Ok, from one prick to another, i'll stay true to my word on posting more about Pistol Prick and our last RPG session.
I actually think he just wants to tell a story, and injects dice rolling every now and then to give the illusion that we're playing a game.
I've already mentioned the pointless "make Agility tests to catch the plot-essential piece of paper!" in Dark Heresy, and now we've had similar pointless dice-rolling in Unhallowed; there was a scene were we had infiltrated a secret, underground gang hideout where they were storing people kidnapped from the streets to be fed to a vampire. In one room we suddenly had to make a test for Perception. This test was to determine if we could hear a ganger on the other side of a door. Only problem was, the ganger was shouting through the door, and at the prisoners in our room, telling them to "shut up."
So we had to make a test to hear someone deliberately trying to be heard. The prisoners, apparently, had no trouble hearing him at all - it was just us heroic, above-average PCs who can't rely on any of our senses at any point.
That whole scene was bullshit, anyway. Yet more on-rails combat, moving from one room to the next and murdering every group of gangers with no real consequences for our actions if we made any noise. In the first room it was melee only and we rushed in, prioritizing those gangers who were drawing firearms so we could hopefully keep the noise down. In the next room shots were fired so I thought the rest of the gangers would be alerted and already have pistols drawn, either moving in to support their pals or waiting behind the next door for us. But no, it's like every room was its own pocket dimension that didn't interact with the rest of the universe.
It was actually like playing a JRPG - we enter a room, the screen flashes and the music plays, and we all take turns bashing the bad guys with overly-elaborate, flashy attacks and once it's done, everyone standing nearby continues their routine like nothing happened.
Our other issue with that session was that, apparently, we were progressing a bit too quickly.
Our group was framed for the murder of our employer. We didn't know who was accusing us, just that we had been accused and everyone was buying it. At this point, what we needed were details; even a scrap of information for us to follow up on and figure out who was responsible for the situation we were in.
Or group's Police Inspector got in contact with someone from the station he could trust, and tried to grill him for information.
He got a good result on his dice roll for interrogation, so we learned a lot. In fact, we learned everything.
Pistol Prick didn't have this NPC know a certain amount of information, the amount he would bestow dependent on the dice roll; he was apparently some sort of omniscient sage who knew absolutely everything there was to know about the case, so we basically had the entire plot read out to us - names, places, who said what to whom, who their real identity was and even where they were currently hiding.
This then became Pistol Prick's excuse for the game going the way it was. We were moving too fast? It was that dice roll's fault. Know too much? That dice roll's fault.
Skipping out other parts of the story? That dice roll's fault.
Of course, he could have just, you know, not told us absolutely everything...?
We hadn't planned on learning the full history of the world that day, either; we actually had a Plan B that was being put in place in case our Inspector didn't learn enough. One thing we did find out about the Chief Inspector leading the investigation was that he was a bit of a deviant and frequented the occasional orgy, so we planned a honey trap.
Our Dhampyr, being the hedonistic socialite he was, found out likely places for such activity and discovered the venue most visited by members of the constabulary.
The plan was to lure this Chief Inspector into a compromising situation with the Dhampyr, photograph the scene, and use that for blackmail.
It was perhaps for the best that we didn't have to see this plan to its conclusion, as the planning stage was already driving Pistol Prick mad.
It was already apparent from the previous session that he was quite terrified of the very concept of bisexuality, so this plan set him off on an almost Alan Partridge-esque smokescreen act, mocking and denouncing such behaviour as much as possible, as if the very thought of including it in the game would implicate him in some way.
He really was barely a step short of rubbing his hands and saying, "Phwoooar! I sure like girls! Eh, lads?" at the end of every sentence.
Suddenly, every NPC we met and even the venue for the orgy was a mockery of some sort - "gay" this and "arses" that, etc, etc.
He didn't seem to notice that he was the only one laughing at any of these "jokes", with the rest of us sitting back saying, "Erm... Aye, alright... 0_o"
But anyway, we didn't need to go through with it as Inspector learned everything there was to know, so we ran off to solve this investigation and clear our name in that traditional, legally-binding manner....
Kill everyone involved.
I did say I wasn't sure why we were doing this, as we were still wanted criminals and adding to our death-tally wouldn't exactly help matters, but hey, that's how this story works.
All being well, this bullshit shall be wrapped up in 2 weeks time.