ChoKonnit

W Tee Eff? 0_O

7,880 posts in this topic

After a weird incident today I very sincerely uttered that popular three-word phrase meaning "utter astonishment"

So that got me thinking, what incidents have you experienced in real life which have left you absolutely baffled and unsure of what to say beyond "W-T-Fuck...?" 0_o...?

 

And I don't mean just weird pictures on the internet *intended* to illicit such a response, I mean stuff that happens in the real world or things that people have said/done with a straight face and were utterly serious.

 

I'll start the ball rolling with today's incident:

A friend of my Faither's drops by our work looking for him for a chat. I have known this guy for many years and we have hung out before. He asks if my faither is in. He wasn't, so I invite him in to wait since he shouldn't be long. He asks, "Do you know who I am?"

"Yeah, of course I do!"

"Ok, I'm Tom and you are...?" I tell him. He asks again for clarity, and again I tell him, now getting really confused...

"Ok, is Ronnie's son about?"

"....yeah..."

"Oh?"

"It's me! I'm his son!"

"Oh! I thought you were the other one." The other one being my co-worker who looks nothing like me.

"No, that's Graeme, he's out right now."

"Ah right. I always thought you were darker!"

"....uhm... sorry, I can't account for that."

0_o

 

 

Edited by ChoKonnit
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My favourite one from Japan (not said to me):

American: "So you're from Africa?"

South African: "Yup."

American: "You're lying!"

South African: O_o "Err. Why?"

American: (stated in all seriousness) "You're not black."

Although I did get the "but you're not black" a lot from Japanese, myself :D

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This happened years ago in the streets of Glasgow...

Myself and one of my pals are walking along the typically busy weekend Glasgow streets.

All of a sudden this old woman turns round and whacks my pal 3 times with a magazine then waddles off without even looking at us.

We look at her, at each other, then back at her as she retreats.

We walk on.

I wish there was more to say, but that's it exactly as it happened.

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Midterm in class test, I run through the standard spiel for the start of the test... ie don't cheat, no electronic devices, phones, mp3 players etc (except calculators)

Student: I left my calculator at home... can I use my phone?

Me: *Stunned silence*... No, sorry...

I cannot believe they actually asked!

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Gen Con 2000:

-My name is Jorge Sanjurjo (kinda hellish for any english speaker to pronounce it properly), As I was there for working porpouses I wore an identification badge. Well the funny part begins now, in a queue waiting for buy some nachos a big guy approached me and tried to read the name in the badge, puzzled he asked where I was from, I told him I'm from Spain and he answered me: "Yes, Spain, I've been on holidays over there last summer with my family... I've been at Acapulco"

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Didn't happen to me, but I thought it was a great story.

It's the origins of the "Excuse me, has anyone got a bottle of Orange juice?" sketch by surreal, black comedy team The League Of Gentlemen.

One of them, Steve Pemberton I think, was in a corner shop when this woman stamps in and shouts,

"Escoo beef! Have any body gotta any bottle owran joof?!"

Owner says, "Erm, no, love, no..."

"Oh-kay! ..... Bye!" And off she goes to the next shop in the row, leaving a storm of silence in her wake.

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This one happened at Uni and had almost a whole class dumbstruck.

It was a conversation between one of my pals and this guy no-one seemed to get on with (we called him Joggy 'cause grey jogging pants seemed to be the only legwear he owned) about how he was getting on with his final year project.

Of course, it was tough, as it was for all of us, but then he let slip this wee gem:

Joggy: "I'm just not doing any exams so I can concentrate on the project"

Pal: "......what?"

Joggy: "Yeah, I'm just not going to them and i'll resit all of them."

Pal: "What?!"

At this point most of the class is listening

Joggy: "Well, I need all the time I can get so I'll just leave doing the exams until later and study for the resits"

Pal: "Holy shit, you realise that if you resit all your exams then the highest mark you'll get will only count as a 40% bare-pass?!"

The look on Joggy's face at this point was like he'd just seen a fatal car crash with his entire student career at the wheel.

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from my underling in the Navy: "I'm not stupid, I just don't comprehend well!"

Good kid, but...

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This one happened at Uni and had almost a whole class dumbstruck.

It was a conversation between one of my pals and this guy no-one seemed to get on with (we called him Joggy 'cause grey jogging pants seemed to be the only legwear he owned) about how he was getting on with his final year project.

Of course, it was tough, as it was for all of us, but then he let slip this wee gem:

Joggy: "I'm just not doing any exams so I can concentrate on the project"

Pal: "......what?"

Joggy: "Yeah, I'm just not going to them and i'll resit all of them."

Pal: "What?!"

At this point most of the class is listening

Joggy: "Well, I need all the time I can get so I'll just leave doing the exams until later and study for the resits"

Pal: "Holy shit, you realise that if you resit all your exams then the highest mark you'll get will only count as a 40% bare-pass?!"

The look on Joggy's face at this point was like he'd just seen a fatal car crash with his entire student career at the wheel.

Had a similar situation when a guy in my class studied for the wrong exam. When the script came out he told the TA that this exam wasn't scheduled for another week. The TA told him that it wasn't and produced a timetable to show him. The student panics for a second and then says "It's alright, I'll just sit the repeats". There was a bit of confusion then, mostly because none of the TAs could figure out why this guy was convinced he could repeat the exams purely because he hadn't studied or come up with a way of breaking it to him, other than saying "No, you can't repeat the exam. You can take it now and fail".

Worst part is that the student walked out and then somehow managed to kick up enough of a fuss that the college let him re-take the test. *sigh*

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Jaysus, that must have been a Hell of a tantrum to be allowed to resit!

That guy who was talking to Joggy, he wasn't allowed some extra study time for coursework he had trouble with, and that was because he was hit by a car and hospitalized for a while :/

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Festive WtF moment for you...

Couple of years ago we were at the in-laws place for a pre-Christmas, Christmas dinner (we had 3 to go to :P). The faither-in-law wants to put on a movie.

Fair enough, there are loads of Christmas movies to chose from, but what does he pick...?

"When the Wind Blows" :/

At first I thought he was joking. He wasn't.

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Seeing "It's a Wonderful Life" scheduled for one o'clock on Christmas day a few years back was a real WTF moment for me.

Then I found out I was mixing it up with "Life is Beautiful". :)

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>Be 19, in college

>Waiting tables at restaurant during valentines day

>Every table, ma'am and sir.

>Get baked before doing go work

>One last table

>What can I get you to drink ma'am, and you sir?

>I'm a woman, she said.

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Reminds me of an incident at a GW Games Day a while back.

I was at a desk to talk to one of the sculptors, but this (who we thought was just a tall) "girl" has a question to ask.

Everyone within a 10ft radius suddenly went wide-eyed when "she" spoke with a voice like Barry White sucking Freon gas.

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This one is not from me personally but a reliable source. So these two American gentleman are at an exchange semester in Japan, at a reception a Japanese student (don´t remember the sex right now).

JS: Hello, nice to meet you. (In English)

AG: Good evening to you too (In Japanese)

JS: Are you studying here? (In English)

AG: Yes, we are history students. (In Japanese)

JS: Do you speak Japanese? (In English)

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My folks and I were on holiday in Portugal just over 20 years ago now.

We were walking down the street towards the beach when this woman pulls up in her car and winds the window down, shouting "DO YEW SPEAK ENG-GLIIIISH?"

My mother replies, "Well, we speak Scottish :D"

"Oh..." and off she drives :/

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My folks and I were on holiday in Portugal just over 20 years ago now.

We were walking down the street towards the beach when this woman pulls up in her car and winds the window down, shouting "DO YEW SPEAK ENG-GLIIIISH?"

My mother replies, "Well, we speak Scottish :D"

"Oh..." and off she drives :/

Aye its a richt scunner fin naebody kens fit yer spikkin aboot like

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Inmates are very resourceful lot. They make a very frothy, rich coffee drink much like cappuccino by putting heaps of instant coffee in a styrofoam cup and adding a little bit of water or heated milk into the mixture. They then stir it vigorously with a plastic spoon for a couple hours or so. When they turn the cup upside down, the mixture becomes so thick it doesn't even spill over.

I was kinda curious how they did this so I made a concoction but failed miserably. No matter how long I stirred, it was still watery. So when I was wrapping up for the night, I noticed one of the inmate workers stirring the mix. I asked him how does he makes the coffee so thick in which he responded, " Alright, have you ever made crack before ?" "Nnno" I stammered, rather taken aback by his honesty. Then one of his comrades, an inmate barely out of his teens, pointed a finger at me and made a sarcastic laugh, "Man, CO, your'e stupid as hell!" and walked out of the kitchen laughing.

At loss for words, I looked at his passing with an incredulous, confused look at my face, much to the amusement of his colleagues.

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So, what was the secret ingredient in the coffee? :D

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So, what was the secret ingredient in the coffee? :D

A smidgen of TLC and definitely a dash of contraband. :P

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For a whole different level of WTF:

Any given day in the Pacific Ocean, onboard a sub.

"Conn, Radio. All message traffic is onboard."

"Radio, Conn. Very Well, let's get out of here. Quartermaster, Sounding!"

"Three-Two-four-five fathoms beneath the keel, Checks with chart."

Lemme translate that for a second. One fathom is 6 feet of water depth. 3,245 fathoms is 19,470 feet of water *beneath* the sub, and we weren't on the surface.

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